I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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