I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
