i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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