She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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