Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
