i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
