Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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