Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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