Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
