He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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