the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Houston, we have a blender
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
