yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
3 2 1 whiskey
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
