I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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