Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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