Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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