Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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