So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
