I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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