need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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