imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's rum buckets o'clock
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
