do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
