Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
