I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
