I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
