My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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