WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
