If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
