i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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