Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
