Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
