You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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