i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
