eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize