We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
