i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
