Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
