I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
