Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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