Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
