we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
