I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
