Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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