For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
