my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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