we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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