PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
