the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
