Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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