Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
