Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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