I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
