At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize