K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
someone owes me an orgasm
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
