Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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