let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
