woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize