So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
