Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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