it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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