He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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