I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
