You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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