What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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