dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
