When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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