You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
