were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
