Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
